My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
