3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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