My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
