you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
