i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
