im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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