I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
