i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
