dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
