guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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