I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
