"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
