Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
