it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
His hands were made for my vagina.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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