Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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