I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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