Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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