Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
