Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Never joke about your clitoris.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
