I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
