She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
