i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
