Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have tasted many bathrooms
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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