I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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