i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
