i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
