Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
