I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
