My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
