Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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