He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
