Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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