We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
