my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
