we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
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Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
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We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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