New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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