Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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