Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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