I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
vagina is talking i cant
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
