dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
