This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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