he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
