you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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