Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
