I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
