Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Farmville is her only friend.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
