I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
