allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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