I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
