what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
