addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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