Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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