i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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