Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
