There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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