Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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