That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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