life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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