Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You smell like stripper and shame
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
