I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
