did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
