i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
