if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
