I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
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We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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