I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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