I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
